Just 2 Weeks to Six-Pack Washboard Abs. Find Out How.
Give us two weeks and we’ll have you looking like this!
Disclaimer: This post originally was published on April 1st (aka April Fools Day). So before you think we went to the dark side, just remember we are having some fun. So sit back and enjoy the sarcasm.
Spring is in the air and that means warmer weather and skimpier clothes. Like most people, we’ve put on a bit of an extra winter coat over the past few months and are looking for the best way to reattain that killer six-pack. So we took it upon ourselves to review a few of the best ab products on the market so that you know where to spend your hard-earned dollars to get a six-pack anyone would be proud of!
The Ab Rocket
Price: Just 3 easy payments of $39.95
Scott says: When I heard the name, I was a bit skeptical. Ab Rocket? But let me tell you, the name is 100% true. This thing makes my abs feel like I have a rocket in my belly, firing on all thrusters and dropping nuclear bombs! Oh yeah, feel the burn!
Mike says: Normally most machines that you lie back are very uncomfortable, but this one feels like heaven. Imagine getting a gentle massage while also targeting those love-handles. You’ll be ready for the beach and not even stressed out when you are there.
The Total Tiger
Price: $40
Scott says: Holy moly! This one is a favorite of mine. I can not only hit my abs from all kinds of angles, but I can also work my chest, arms, back, and even my buns! Sexy abs and sexy buns all at the same time? Sign me up!
Mike says: Tiger…Purrrrrr. This is what the ladies will be calling you after using this 5 min each day. Guys get ready to be on the hunt as hordes of attractive women roam the praries. Ladies, you’ll get your chance also to hunt down some beasts after your abs draw them all in.
The Ab Circle Pro
Price: $199.75
Scott says: This is really a two-in-one system. First, I spin around the circle to get my entire core. But I really love removing the pin and using the Ab Circle Pro to pinpoint target my buns, hips, and thighs. Once I’ve blasted my core and worked on my sexy glutes, I can just slide it under my couch. I don’t even have to turn the TV off!
Mike says: Amazing high tech NASA like design and polymer quality is abundant with this machine. Thank god for space engineers who can bring this type of quality workout into our homes. I feel like I’m churning butter with my abs, so much fun.
The Ab Lounge
Price: $169.99
Scott says: You know what I really like about this product? “Lounge”…I mean, I want to look good with my shirt off, but I don’t want to have to work too hard for it. So any product that lets me lounge while I exercise is right up my alley. Frankly, all it’s missing is a cup holder so I can keep my protein shake close at hand.
Mike says: What I love about this product is I can do my 2 favorite things together, work my abs and get a tan. Put it in the back of your car and on every lunch break take it out, set it up outside and watch as all your coworkers get jealous of your ripped and tanned six pack on display. I agree with Scott, all that is missing is a cup (or remote) holder.
The Ab Coaster
Price: $399.80
Scott says: This makes me giddy like a little boy! It’s my favorite of all the products on the market. I feel like I’m at an amusement park…an amusement park where everyone has a rockin’ mid-section. It’s so easy…no stress on my neck or back and I don’t have to get my shirt dirty by laying on the floor.
Mike says: Sometimes I want to work my lower abs and not really move my upper body, well this is the one for me. With a gentle “shooshing” sound from every movement, I can close my eyes and visualize that I am rowing through a sea of awesomeness with just the raw power generated from my abs. Who needs a motor on a boat when you have sixpack horsepower.
The Ab Belt
Price: $99
Scott says: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…huh? Oh…sorry…I fell asleep while my abs were getting shredded. You see, this product kicks somewhere around six tons of tail because unlike the others, I don’t even have to exert any energy. In fact, just now, I cooked dinner and wrote this review all while my buff factor nearly doubled, effortlessly.
Mike says: Imagine getting rock hard abs by just sitting at your desk, watching TV or sleeping. Now this is a winner in my book. I can slap on the super charged ab belt and feel it sculpting my abs like an artist’s chisel through marble. 600 situps while just having a glass of wine. Although I did find that going swimming did not go as well with the belt.
The Ab Fork
Price: 9 easy payments of $29.95 (Exclusively through Fitness Spotlight)
Scott says: This is an old school ab tool that a lot of people have abandoned. But the fork is the #1 tool in my ab-blasting toolbox. As long as I stick to 90% clean eating, my performance is through the roof and I look how I want to look.
Mike says: We have a special made Ab-Fork that you can use to eat with. Imagine how much less stuff you can actually shovel in your mouth with a 40lb Ab-Fork. We only have 100 in stock so be sure to just mail us your credit card and we’ll send you a fork.
Ok, maybe we have had a little “sarcastic” fun today (on April Fool’s) but we are still trying to drive home a point. Even though doing exercises while “using” your abdominals is good, thinking you need a specific machine to isolate and target them to get “ripped” is a myth and marketing lie. That and most need to lose the “keg” first before they can ever see the six-pack. It amazes us how many new Ab-somethings are coming out every month. That just means people are still falling for that April Fools Joke (except it is run all year round). So when in doubt, pass the word….that “Abs are made in the kitchen.”….and if you really want a 40lb Ab-fork for 9 easy payments of $29.95, drop us an email and we will be sure to send one out right away!
When in doubt, stick to the basics:
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34 Reader Comments
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OMG. I seriously thought this article was real and I swear I could feel my head steaming and my brain shrinking as a read it. Nice one!
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Do u mak somethin like da abz rocket but 4 da bicepts so I can get da bicept gunz peak!? I wanna get yoked!
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Two weeks? How about 20 minutes and I can have a six-pack, too!
http://oskarblues.com/images/Mamas6-PackCROPframeJ.JPG
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Thank God this was a joke because if this was serious, I was totally going to delete this website from my favorites and I definitely wasn’t going to buy the breakfree ebook.
So glad you guys are not going mainstream dumb!
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Thankfully it is an April Fools joke….because otherwise I would have to kick my own ass for typing “I can close my eyes and visualize that I am rowing through a sea of awesomeness with just the raw power generated from my abs”. Seriously.
Mainstream we are not….in fact I also encourage swimming right after eating and running with scissors. Life is fun that way.
For the biceps? Probably just take that belt thing and wrap it around them…..or eat enough with our pattended 40lb Ab-fork….or maybe I could sell it as a “Big Guns” Fork too.
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I am not sure if some of those are ab machine or inquisition era torture devices with comfy pads. I think I’ll have to pull out one of my forks… I have a couple sitting in a drawer somewhere. Maybe I will be rich one day and then I can hammer my abs from all sorts of crazy angles.
Fun post!
The SoG
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Tracy, definitely not mainstream. We are The Revolution. Join us!
To go along with Mike, if anyone ever hears me utter the words “sexy buns” in reference to why I perform a particular exercise, I give you permission to punch me in the nose.
Happy April Fool’s Day
Scott
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Hmmmm…..the Revolution (from mainstream crap)…..it has begun…….
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MikeOD,
Revolution? Is that the name of anew ab device i need to get my hands on?
The SoG
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OMG, toooooo funny. I want the Ab Belt Babe!!!!!
Consider the lowly rock. Find a 50-100# rock in your backyard or neighborhood, then take it home. It’s your pet rock. Then all you have to do is lift it, squat with it, press it, toss it, curl with it, do whatever you want with it. It’s a rock, it don’t care. Wet the rock down so it’s slippery for an added workout of your forearms and hands. Jump with your rock. Put your rock in your knapsack and take a hike with it. It’s YOUR rock! Become friends with your rock. Then when you’ve used your rock for all it’s worth, dump it!!! Find a bigger rock (your other rock won’t be jealous, rocks don’t care) and do it all over again.
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Good one guys. I love the word ‘buns’ lol,
Anyway, the The Ab Circle Pro chic is hot, do you have her number
Oh, and from you you can order my 3 DVD six pack abs course titled
Shut Your Mouth, Push Away From The Table, And Get Shredded. LOL
Vol. 1 – Shut Your Mouth
Vol. 2 – Push Away From The Table
Vol. 3 – Get Shredded
Happy April fools guys!
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SoG, good idea….contact me off-line and we’ll work up a patent on The Revolution Ab Machine.
Dave, where is a good place to find one of these so-called “rocks”? Do they tend to congregate in certain areas?
Yavor, if I had her number, I promise I wouldn’t be giving it away. I think you can understand that.
Cheers
Scott
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Scott and Mike,
Darn it! I purchased the Ab Coaster before I read it was an April Fool’s joke…but in just 2 weeks I’m going to be looking HOT!
Great post guys…can’t believe I didn’t set something up for April Fool’s Day,
Rusty
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This article contains some of the best one-liners I’ve read in about a month.
On another note, I was at the gym on Tuesday morning (9AM, there’s never anyone in the gym in the first place except girls on treadmills, which is why I was doubly shocked) and saw two guys going through an “ab routine.” I almost cried. They were using every tandem bodyweight exercise out there while taking up valuable floor space right in front of my favorite chin-up bar. Exercise methods aside, the whole thing looked very Ace and Gary, without putting too fine a point on it.
Highlight of the workout: One of them (I’ll call him Ace) used the words “abs” and “ripped” in the same sentence. While doing pull-ups. Blew my mind.
In only mildly related news, I’m going hard to pull together my first day since starting this whole “healthy eating” Revolution thing that didn’t involve one processed carb. Maybe with each loaf of bread I cut from my diet, I’ll reveal one ab. That adds up to only six loaves! Wooh!
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I’d love one of those Ab forks, they look like an absolute bargain!
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[...] “Just 2 Weeks to Washboard Abs, Find Out How“, Life [...]
Rusty, I knew we should’ve signed up for the affiliate program on the Ab Coaster!
Gary, nice! The two guys in my gym are “guns” guys….they workout biceps and triceps at least twice a week…I can’t recall seeing them do anything else actually.
Sanjeev, they definitely are….be sure to send your first installment and we’ll get yours out to you.
Cheers
Scott
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scott,
I having a special on rocks this week. Just send me your credit card number and shipping information and I’ll get one right off to you. They’re a bargain at the ridiculously low price of just $1 a pound (plus S&H). In fact, I’ll even throw in a second rock (of equal or lesser weight) for free — just pay additional S&H.
Dave
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Dave – don’t tape a fork to your rock….because we already have the patent on the “Ab-Fork”.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s funny! I especially like the circle thing! Do CrossFit!!!!
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Well me being a day ahead I didn’t realize it was still April Fools day in the US. I was thinking “What? Have they really gone that low now? Sold out?”. Thankfully it’s all a joke, I was waiting for the “abs are made in the kitchen, not a machine you idiot”. I can sleep soundly now.
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Very funny…you almost had me for a minute. I was wondering what the hell was wrong with you guys. Like you’d lost your minds from being force fed simple sugars or something.
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Ha!… AbFork. I like it. It’s true tho… if you aren’t using the AbFork… you’re a complete dork.
I have actually tried the Ab Rocket. Complete waste of time. Even at the highest resistance, it’s pretty damn lame.
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Great one guys…just Tweeted this.
Best,
Coop
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haha…this was way too funny! Where can I get the Ab Fork? I want one…LOL.
Seriously though, you guys made a good point about this one and sometimes you just have to make fun of things so that it will stick to people’s heads.
Thanks for making me laugh today!
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That’s quite funny, but don’t forget an even quicker way to get washboard abs… http://www.takefit.com/147/six-pack-abs-through-liposuction/
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[...] a little late for April Fools’ Day jokes, but Fitness Spotlight’s charming review of wonderful, foolproof, ab machines was too funny not to [...]
Elliot, that’s appalling! How sad.
Cheers
Scott
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Ha ha! Funny!! This was my first visit to your site so I had no idea where you going.
Great fun! Great sense of humor! Great point!
Out of all these devices I bet the Ab Fork is the one most likely to actually get used! I think I’ll improvise to save a few bucks and just attach some weight to one of the forks I already have… Of course, then it’ll be interesting to see how long I actually use THAT one!
I’ve visited lots of people with exercise machines and a very small percentage of them seem to use them consistently after the first few months. I can usually tell who those people are without asking…
Thanks for the laugh!
(Check out my no nonsense muscle building review by clicking on my name.)
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My physical therapist have recommended the the abcircle to me do to a back injury, unfourtunatelty I am no longer to work. my therapist feels that this will strenghting my back to allow me to go bach to work to support my children. I have tryied evet therapy and therapy to no availe. Is the awas the I can aquire an abcicle witout going to thr the difficult of returning it. I am bedrest 80% percent of the time. Ihave tried every core excerise will out avail. I am despretate to to to regain some strengh, if not for my children, I have missed so much with them but for my own physycial and mental peace of ming. It is torture being trapped in my own body.
The damage occured a coulpe of years, I damage my spine and abdominles’ saving a patient’s life. Could you bless help me to live a normal life? And help me be the parent my childcren deserve. I have tried evey threapy except this one to no avail.
Thank you.
Holly Mueller RN
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Hi,
This is one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read. I want to promote the Ab Bed. You lie in it and it just burns away the belly fat. Pure Magic (-:
By the way, it seems like the Ab Circle Pro is really one of the worst machines there is. I read this review about it which pretty much says it all: http://burnmybellyfat.com/ab-circle-pro-review.html
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I’ve used 3 of the products above and none of them gave me any real results. In my experience the only thing that helps you get six-pack abs is a very low body fat percentage. About 5 years ago I was at 9% and did very little ab work yet I was able to get defined abdominals just through the low body fat levels.
Regarding the Ab Circle Pro, there’s another good review here:
http://abcirclepro.blogspot.com/2009/10/ab-circle-pro-review-does-this.html
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I always buy my products from JML or watever on tv hahaha an they never work i got six second abs ab lounge xl an total souna an some thers an they neverr!! work
when i see em on tele its like wow i want that but when u get it ur like just wasted money an u just leave. anyone no any good products that actually do work an not cose u seen it cose its actually worked for u?????
would help ty x
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[...] Laugh your abs off here. [...]